Monday, May 2, 2011

SO Blessed, Although Growing Weary...

May 1, 2011


Today was the LAST day at BI!

I woke up at 8:00… I couldn’t sleep in!

I took the opportunity to finish 2 Samuel. It was kind of depressing. But it really opened my eyes to this statement:

God is as merciful as He is strong.

Which is awe-some.

Today was a hard day for me.

I think a million emotions are just bubbling inside of me, looking for the right time to burst. Actually… bubbles are not the right sentiment here. More like a VOLCANO.

I had a really hard time today with insecurities and other fun shtuff in the same category. Bleh.

We went to our lovely home stay at 11:00 for a last lunch. It was quite nice.

When we left at 4:00 PM and boarded the bus to return to BI, I had a flashback to four months ago. It was 4:00 AM. My family waved out the window and I sat on the left side of the bus, nearest the aisle. I was about three or four rows back. The exact same thing happened today. The only differences: It was 4:00 PM, not AM, and I was waving goodbye to a different family.

This made me miss mine horrifically.

And THAT made me mad. Because now I am wishing to be home, and not appreciating being here in Africa. I LOVE AFRICA! I honestly do!!!

But I feel like this WHOLE four months, I have been FIGHTING. I have been fighting to gain confidence. I have been fighting to grow closer to God. I have been fighting to learn about who I am. And these are AMAZING THINGS! I am SO glad to have endeavored into these lessons!

But I have grown weary. I am tired of fighting. I am ready to go to a place where people know me completely and love me for who I am. I am ready to see those beautiful faces belonging to my family. I feel like it’s time.

But, it’s not. Because I am BLESSED enough to have an extra week. And I want to be excited for that! I’m sure I will be! But it’s kind of hard right now, with everyone talking about seeing their family in a few days!!!

And… It’s going to be sad to not spend my birthday with my loves…(Speaking of. I have 8 days to do something wild and crazy and not get seriously punished! WOOOO!! What to do, what to do…)

We have officially arrived at the Lady Hamilton.

The people in my house got in trouble for something that I wasn’t apart of… and it turned out to be no big deal, but it was a fright!

We went to dinner at the Bazaar. I love it there! I feel like I’m traveling just by eating there! J

Then, surprise surprise, Karissa and I had a life-changing conversation and a kick-butt prayer session. I LOVE THESE TIMES!!!

Karissa told me that I have a God-given gift of conversation. That I know EXACTLY the right questions to ask about what God has been working on in their hearts. And God prepares them for me, so they feel safe sharing.

I have always enjoyed deep conversation. But I had kind of never put two and two together that it was God-given. I LOVE IT!!! So blessed.

Sigh. I am hanging in. But I want to be doing more than that.

Prayer, prayer, prayer PLEASE.

Love to you.


  1. YES! I am praying, praying, PRAYING. My thought for you as I was getting ready this morning: Service is so easy to jump into when it has been organized for us and set up in advance. Once you leave the service sites, it gets a little trickier. Here's the beautiful thing: The service is in no way any less organized or planned out for us.

    Ephesians 2:10
    For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

    A-O! GOD himself has already organized some service opportunities for you in the week ahead. My prayer is that He will open your eyes to be able to see them. It won't always be obvious (remember the still, small voice thing). But the opportunities are waiting for YOU.

    I love you, friend!!!


  2. Wow Lauren your stories are AMAZING! I am so impressed with your stories of adventure and self-discovery. I hope you know how special you are and that God has great things planned for you. It has been a joy to read about your experience- I can't wait to have opportunities like the ones you have described. I will pray for you to stay strong!! The states miss you, but we have plenty of time to catch up later- so enjoy your time there! And please keep us updated :)
    Stay safe!

    Love you!!
    Heather P

  3. (Mike) My dear, why the fighting? I know, I know.. you explained it. I have two verses for you. The first is Psalm 46:10a - "Be still, and know that I am God;" and the NASB says, "Cease striving and know that I am God." Both are appropriate, I think. The second verse comes from Matthew 6:25-34. I read it at least a hundred times when I was at APU... "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life..." you may read the rest on your own.

    As you look for clarity and understanding in the time that you are in, DO enjoy the moments you get to spend where you are. you will be home soon enough, these days will become a memory, and what you have here will be gone in a blink. You ARE blessed, as you have said. Have peace and BE SAFE!!!! :-)