DING: the Beginning of a VERY Big Adventure.

February 9, 2011

WOAH! I thought I had energy before, but NOW I AM KICKIN’!!!

It’s AMAZING what a 5:30 AM run in the Nature Reserve in Africa can do for you. I’m living proof.

And oh yeah.

I saw zebras.

No big.

FOUR ZEB-RUHS!!!!! ABOUT 5 FEET AWAY, JUST CHILLIN’!! They are so beautiful.

PS: they’re definitely white with black stripes.

As I was huffin’ and puffin’ on this run (those hills are KILLER) I was always inspired by the flawless, natural, seemingly holy, beauty. As the sun rose, it smiled down in sweet rays of shine, breaking through the thick African vegetation.

“I see your face in every sunrise

The colors of the morning

Are inside your eyes.”

I went on this run with workout champions Kayla, Kara, Kelly, and Morgan. They were so NICE! They didn’t even make me feel embarrassed when I had to walk J Thanks, guys!

Hey, I felt like some of my friends today!

I felt like Dema because I woke up at 5:30.

I felt like Desi because I went running.

I felt like Mae because I wore overalls (shorts) and Tom’s. J

Most of my day was spent studying for my Zulu test today. (I got 98%!!!! WOOOO!!!!, just in case you were wondering. J)

But the most important thing of today was a massive revelation that was possibly life-changing. Although the light bulb “DING”ed on this fine day, yesterday was the beginning of the construction of the light bulb itself.

It all began when I got on the wrong bus yesterday. Remember this lovely blonde moment? It was when I sat down next to Lindsay and we had our super-powerful-awesome powwow?

Yesterday during this powwow, Lindsay showed me a sketch of a picture the Lord had put on her heart. I wish I could show you! In the picture, a girl was on her knees reaching for God. She loved Him, but she still wanted to hold onto her sins. Yet, Jesus’ love was too powerful for her. His light was literally shining through her. In one ray of light lay all of the things in the girls heart: the heart itself, broken, bruised, and bandaged, a broken mirror (distorted self-image that the girl is choosing to see), handcuffs (sin that she won’t let go of) and drama masks (obviously masking her true self.)

This picture hit my heart. For some reason, I was drawn to it. I kept thinking, “this is me.” Then I saw the theatre masks. I mean, COME ON. It made me cry.

Lindsay went on to explain a CS Lewis story (which I haven’t read, goshdarnit!). The story features a man with a spiteful, malicious lizard that unceasingly speaks negative things into the man’s ear. The man always cries, “STOP!” Yet when an angel comes and offers to get rid of the lizard for the man, the man readily agrees- with the plea of “But don’t hurt it.”

The lizard represents sin. SO often, we want to be free of our sins. But when the opportunity arises, we don’t actually want to let them go.

Step outside of this for a moment. Whenever I have a spiritually deep conversation (at APU, and in South Africa, etc) with someone, I often admit to my struggle with fear, resulting in a lack of confidence. Almost EVERY time, including back in California, the person I am talking with says something to the effect of, “WHAT?! This can’t possibly BE! I had no idea! This shocks me! Darling, you MUST be joking!” This all came to my mind today. I feel like my “fear” lives as a lizard on my shoulder. The lizard has been banished. It no longer belongs.

But I’ve been keeping it there.

As crazy as it sounds, I realized today that I am actually afraid of who I’d be without fear. I’m afraid that without fear, I’d have nothing to cling to. Nothing to blame for not listening to the Lord. I’d just be me. And I might actually get to find out who I am because I wouldn’t be hiding behind fear. I’m afraid that I might actually be a dazzlingly confident warrior for the Lord. And I’m afraid that I might not.

But I’m more afraid of greatness than of being ordinary. And that’s crazy too.

But I’ll never know until I try.

So today, I officially banish that stupid lizard from my shoulder. It has outstayed its welcome.

I’m not sure how to go about this. But I think I hear my Father whispering something to the effect of, “you’re onto something.” I suddenly feel liberated. Whole. My heart is swelling. I believe I just might have to sing.

God help me. This is the beginning of a VERY big adventure.

And just like bungy-ing (which I just signed up for!) I am going to jump.