Our Eyes Are on You

March 27, 2011

I am not generally a very emotional person. I’m really not. I would like to think that I am quite level headed and control my feelings quite well.

But OH BOY. I can feel the emotions RISING!!! It is going to be SO STINKING HARD TO LEAVE. I have never felt so attached to a place before, including my home. (Nothing you did, Mom and Dad.)

This morning at breakfast, I was talking to a visitor. When he found out I was studying Zulu, he said, “How are you going to keep that up in America?” I said, “Oh, no worries, I’m going to skype home and practice with my Zulu teacher or the awesome workers here.” Did you catch that? I’m going to skype “home.” WHAT IS WITH ME?!

This is getting ridiculous. I thought about leaving AE in 12 days (for Cape Town) and almost started crying. “PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, WOMAN!!!”

Because I’m going to church tonight, I stayed home this morning to work on my loads of homework. Hurrah. Finished my paper and journals for Community Engagement. Woot.

I watched some of Bourne Identity today. It was super intense!!! But OHMYGOODNESS the weather was BEAUTIFUL today! There was a mist so thick, it appeared as though you could touch it. I wanted to film a movie. My imagination was going WILD! So I left the Bourne Identity because I couldn’t miss out on the mist and I read my bible with a cup of tea in the African mist. EPIC. Had a random but sweet chat with Zachariah.

Then we went to North Hills because Reg was speaking on pain, and how God can allow it to occur in the world.

It was beautiful. I was so inspired! The main point of the sermon was that God uses pain and brokenness to bring us closer to him. Best quote EVER:

“Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscious, but shouts in our pain: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” –C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain.

I had two favorite points:

-    Death wasn’t a big deal to Jesus because He knew the bigger picture. In the same way, we need to trust that there is a script of life. And we know the last act. We also know how the story ends. And the scriptwriter is our Father.

-    Reg often flies to Cape Town. It is a very turbulent flight, and Reg HATES turbulence. So what keeps him on the plane?

“I stay on the plane when there’s turbulence because I trust the pilot and I know the destination.” (Hope you liked that one, Dad!)

Tyler and I wrote another song tonight!

Our Eyes Are on You

VERSE

What once fulfilled

Has lost its brilliance

Without you

The reality of this life

Cannot be denied

My world has lost its color

My surroundings are dull and insufficient

I miss the world you have given

CHORUS

And all around

The earth is spinning

And here and now

Our grip is slipping

We don’t know what to do

But our eyes are on you

VERSE

Blinded of color

I cannot find direction

I search hopelessly

Like a child in the dark

Waiting for the moment

You recolor my world

BRIDGE

Directionless

I run

Trying to find

An imagined destination

I miss your guiding voice

Calling me to a life of color

Give me your eyes

To see the beauty you have created,

Vibrant and colorful

Full of life

AH. I’m so excited. Ethembeni tomorrow. I am going to be SO DEPRESSED when we leave on Thursday. Oy vey.