God-Ordained-Ness... even in wildlife attacks.

Feb 15

This has been quite a day of God-ordained-ness.

Obviously, God wanted to bless Morgan and me through African wildlife today, so he caused us to be almost attacked by monkeys AND zebras!!!!

We were running on our little path, as per our ROUTINE, and all of the sudden, up comes trotting a ZEBRA. And then another. And ANOTHER!!! Soon, there were FIVE  zebra, briskly TROTTING towards us! The road was narrow! There was nowhere to go! We stay still, as zebra are peaceful animals. All of a sudden, one, obviously the dominant macho one, starts staring us down, and snorting! BAH! We turn around and hide around the bend. They’ll leave soon. We wait about a minute, and begin creeping back around the corner.

And come almost face to face with the snorting , stare-down zebra that is now aggressively pawing the ground, about to CHARGE.

I have never run so fast in my life!!! Just as Mike Pryor always told me, if a friend and I am being chased by a wild animal, I don’t need to be faster than the animal. I just need to be faster than my friend.

THIS is what popped into my mind!!!! SORRY MORGAN!!! But honestly… she can outrun me any day, so it wasn’t like I was really imposing danger on my wonderful friend J Don’t I get brownie points for NOT trying to sacrifice her to save myself?! J

Anyway, we turned around and ran the other way, which was PAVED and ALL UPHILL. (Both ways, in the snow, covered in charging zebras and malicious, man-eating monkeys) Ok, I must ask, WHAT is the point of running in NATURE if there isn’t any NATURE because you killed the NATURE with cement?!!? Ugh. Yeah, running was not so positive today. Stupid zebras. We’ll bring more people next time and we’ll see who’s staring down who. BOOM.

Service sites! We visited Walk in the Light and Riv Life.

Walk in the light is awesome. I LOVE the program! So great. It’s all about manual labor and being in the community, building things for people while growing great relationships and ministering. Awesome, right? Too bad I know NOTHING about building. Literally. I would be such a detriment to the construction process. If it was not about actual building, I would totally go here. And I am SO excited to see what is accomplished through the team that goes there!

Riv Life. A bit more complex. Ok, I loved the setup. So fantastic! You play with kids and visit people in the community and interact with extreme poverty. Sounds life-changing, yes? Too bad the man in charge was super depressing. He spent the entire time he was supposed to be selling his site to us telling how the community is so broken and can’t be fixed and how his goals aren’t being accomplished and how Riv Life hadn’t reached it’s full potential, and couldn’t for a VERY long time… And then he kept asking OVER and OVER why we looked so “tired.” Um… how about because you just sucked all of the hope and joy out of me?

I don’t think I could handle being with that kind of a leader. There is no way we could be set up for success if the person in charge has already accepted failure. I think I would constantly feel discouraged and useless. So, wonderful program. But… I don’t think I could deal with Mr. Sad Face every day.

That brings me to decide that my top two choices for service sites are Ithemba and Ethembeni. But I am still praying that God would point my heart the way He wants me to go! Feel free to join me!!

One of the best parts of my day: I ended up talking to Tyler randomly and it turned into this total, undeniable God moment. Talk about magnificent. I officially adopted him as my unofficial Big Brother J Tyler, you’re pretty phenominal. Just in case you were wondering. I plan to force him to teach me how to become photography-literate, and a guitar ninja. Kay? Cool. J

After lunch, I totally had the intention of cramming for my Zulu midterm tomorrow. But… I ended up hanging out with Allie and Colton…

I know this is crazy. But not much about me is normal, so I feel like I’m right on track. I think God is teaching me how to live a more balanced life. Pre-South Africa, I was all work-until-it-was-done-and-then-maybe-I’ll-fit-in-some-time-to-play. Here, I am trying to place God first in everything. This has shifted relationships to second, and school to third. And I honestly think Jesus is blessing me in that. We’ll see tomorrow, after my HUGE midterm. But this is my theory of what has occurred thus far!

Tonight, I heard some life stories in my D-Group. I am SO excited to get to know everyone as well as possible! A great group. The life stories I heard tonight really put my life into perspective. And some reminded me of how AMAZING God is. Truly. And how YOU choose how you come out of a situation. You can CHOOSE to hate your life and be depressed and sulk, or you can CHOOSE to find God and rely on Him and GROW and choose to see the positive. Thanks for the lesson, guys J.

God talk with Lindsay. Shocker. Not J

I am praying that I remain attentive to God’s voice. I don’t want to miss ANYTHING.

AH. Just another freakishly blessed day in my totally blessed life. Thanks for reading J

All the Single Ladies?

February 14, 2011

HAPPY RUB-IT-IN-YOUR-FACE-IF-YOU’RE-SINGLE DAY!!!!

This morning, 5:30 came VERY quickly. You’d think I went to bed around midnight or something! Nevertheless! Morgan and I are hardcore, so we went running yet again. Today was HARD. It was like starting all over again because I haven’t ran since Friday. Mehhh. Morgan was nice tho! And we made a time record, so it couldn’t have been THAT bad… J

It was lovely to then start my day with some lovely communication with Francesca J Joyous!!

Then Chapel. Ok. I LOVED leading “Heart of Worship.” I am praying my way into truly worshiping, and not focusing on musicality. I feel like I was successful today! Kara did WONDERFULLY on leading Indescribable as well!

Reg spoke about Heaven in chapel today. It was interesting. As much as I hate to admit it, I am PETRIFIED of going to Heaven. Not dying. Just living forever. I can’t wrap my mind around eternity and it FREAKS ME OUT!!!! Still, going to a place where there is no pain, suffering, poverty, loneliness, etc does sound pretty appealing. I am trying to think of it like an imaginary universe that I’ve read about that I want to go to (like Narnia), and then realize that I actually get to go! Note to self: Read ALL of the Chronicles of Narnia upon reentering US.

Then I was quite efficient in reading for InterComm. I rewarded myself with a nap J Super glorious, with the sun streaming in, with the sound of the waterfall and the heavenly breeze!

I can’t say there was much more “eventfulness” today… life has begun to settle in, and our days here are becoming “the norm.” This is positive and negative.

Still feeling somewhat alone. But I’m ok with it. Like, I’m growing with God. And I definitely have friends! I just feel more of a distance than in the states. Something I realized was that at APU, with thousands of people, you are forced to find more of a “friend group.” Here, I feel that when there are only 55 people, it is more, “hooray” with everyone. Of course there are cliques. But it’s more spread around-ish.

Actually. Come to realize it… there are definitely cliques and concrete friend groups here too. I’m just a free-floater, I feel. This means I feel comfortable with most, but super duper close to like one or two. I miss my best friends :(. 

I have an amazing roommate. She pretty much rocks my world! Love you, Debster J

Beginning to have more and more breathing issues. I think this is a sign of me being stressed with school? This week, I have a HUGE midterm on Wednesday in Zulu, and a 30 minute presentation in Intercomm (that was SUPPOSED TO BE ON MONDAY. Cough, cough).

Ok. Deal. If you have a girlfriend and don’t contact her AT ALL on Valentine’s day, you suck. I’m just saying. NOT cool, man. You don’t deserve her.

^Friendly advice for a relevant situation.

I miss Jesus today. Looking forward to getting in the Word.

Sigh. This study abroad thing is hard. TOTALLY worth it. Life changing. I’d like to think I’m WAY cooler NOW then… well… recently… And I’d like to say God and I are closer. So, those things alone make it the best thing ever. I just didn’t really count on it being difficult, I guess J The harder it is, the more I’ll grow, right?

Something I realized? I miss is touch. Hugs, etc. I haven’t been hugging people a lot here, mostly because I see them EVERY DAY and it would be weird. Go hug someone who needs it, ok? For me? J

Baha. Just realized that thinking of God as Aslan the lion is SO much cooler now. J

Yeah, that’s right. I went there. J

I am now looking forward to a year when I shall have a valentine. He will sing a song he wrote me with my name in it, right? So, all of the single ladies... I'm with you. :)

"Are You From Africa?"

February 13, 2011

Ahhh what a day.

I slept in for the first morning in QUITE a few! ALLLL the way to 7:30! Wooooooo!

At church, North Hills honored Anthony, who died last week. It was very nice. They spoke about Heaven. I realized that I want to go just like Anthony did. He was singing “In Christ Alone” and all of the sudden he was LOOKING at Christ! What a blessing.

Often when I get stressed, especially when I am sitting down for long periods of time (movies, theatre, class) I suddenly can’t breathe. It’s like my lungs can’t get enough air. It’s like claustrophobia to the MAX, because it’s internal! All of a sudden, I am experiencing this loveliness, so I turn to Kara, who is sitting next to me, and ask her to pray for me. Without hesitation, she does. Out of nowhere, she hands me this ice-cold glass of water. (It was like a SAUNA in that church!) “WHERE”- gasp- “did you” GAAASP “get this?!” She points behind me, and this lady gives me a small wink and turns back to the pastor. HOW DID SHE KNOW?! I wasn’t freaking out or anything! Ok, I WAS but on the INSIDE! And she was so gracious! She was so subtle about accepting thanks. I was SO grateful. That water helped so much. After major gulp-age and prayer, I was ok. Hooray! After the service, I turned around to thank the gracious woman, but she was GONE. Angel much?!

After getting back, Deb goes, “Hey Ren, let’s rearrange our room.” UM…. HOW?! Our room is seriously 2x4. Don’t get me wrong. I love it. I really do. It’s so quaint and lovely. But Deb was talking de-bunkage of our bunk beds. Did I need to restate the whole “IM CLAUSTROPHOBIC AND NEED BREATHING SPACE” thing?! But she looked so excited. Sigh. “Okaaaay… sounds great… cough. What… um… what are you thinking of doing??” Ok, sidenote: I TOTALLY understand wanting to rebunk. I’m on the top bunk, and I’m always the last to sleep and first to get up. And our bunk beds, though oh so lovely, are CREEKY! You’d think they were SINGING every time you TOUCH it, let alone move around! So every time either of us moved, it was like, EARTHQUAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!! Imagine what it was like for poor Deb when she’s been contentedly asleep for an hour and I have to jump down, turn off the light, and get back up, settle in, etc. We’re talking 8 on the Richter Scale. Plus, Deb can’t sit up or she’ll hit her head. With this knowledge in my gracious heart, I agree to de-bunkage. Our room NOW has our beds in an L-shape, with both of us near a window. It is SO MUCH BETTER!!!! The bunks aren’t blocking out the sunshine! I can reach the windows AND light switch from my bed, and I don’t have to climb whenever I forget something! Ahhh. SO good. And I thought I had it good last arrangement. Pshh. Shows what I know J

After lunch, we headed to “Talking Drums.” Excuse me, what? Personification? A family team came to AE and we each got to play a Jimbay and one other instrument. It was SO FUN!!! W were all making music together with different rhythms! Everyone got an additional instrument. I got maracas. Laaaaame. I really wanted the bike horn. Oh well. But ANYWAY, it was my favorite activity so far, besides hiking the Drakensbergs!

Then I attempted to be social and played capture the flag. Yeah… fail. I played defense, so basically, I stood around watching for intruders. LAME! (No one’s fault.) Just… I WISH I liked sports! I feel like my life would be so much easier! Sports are what bond people! They send an instant connection! But I honestly just can’t stand them. Whenever I sing for Major League baseball games, I always ditch right after my free hotdog at the earliest opportunity. I don’t UNDERSTAND why I can’t appreciate SPORTS! I am a mystery, even to me.

Then I conquered some Hw. Wooo.

Promptly at 6:00, we had a semi-formal Valentine’s Dinner/ Dance! It was so fun! I loved getting dressed up and seeing everyone all snazzed up! Ok, the funny thing is, all I EVER wear at home are dresses and skirts. No exceptions. I honestly hate pants. I avoid them at all costs. But, I was thinking, “OH I’m going to AFRICA! I want to be super modest so I can fit in with the culture!” Everybody else thought, “Oh, I’m going to AFRICA! Let’s pack cute dresses!” Or they bought some. I think it was a conspiracy. So, as I had NOTHING but a to-the-floor loosey-goosey dress resembling a bag, I borrowed a dress of Debs at the last minute. Hooraaay for roommates!

At dinner, I was planning to sit with my chalet, but with an unfortunate chair incidence (there were only 6 chairs, and 7 of us in our chalet), and my lack of athleticism (I let them go first), I was without a seat at dinner. So I ended up sitting with two couples on Valentine’s Day. (not the REAL valentine’s day, but STILL.) It was great. I loved being reminded of my singularity! No need to buy a card! No need to buy flowers or write considerate notes! Oh no! I am a free lass! Not even a need to dress up and impress anyone! I am thoroughly allowed to be invisible on this great holiday! YES!!!

This is the first Valentine’s day when I’ve actually been slightly bummed at NOT having a legit valentine. Meh.

During dinner there was a pick-up line contest! Here are my favorites:

1)    Allie: “Whoa are you a dementor? Cuz you just stole my KISS!”

2)    Matt: “Are you from Africa? Cuz Ah-frican-LOVE you!”

3)    Leslie: “I’m not trying to brag or anything, but I’m Batman.”

Bahaha. So good. It made me wonder what kind of people actually use pick-up lines? And… if they’re actually successful.

Then was dancing time! I had so much fun for the first hour! But… as I have previously mentioned, I am a musical theatre and Carrie Underwood geek. I do not listen to the radio. 90% of the fun at these dance-y-shenanigans is singing along! Plus, there are only so many moves in my dance repertoire that don’t involve pirouettes or pliees.

So I ditched and attempted to return to my chalet. Naturally, I NEVER bring my keys with me (WHAT?! I never have pockets!) and naturally, Deb ALWAYS locks the door. Sigh. So I went to the prayer chapel. It is officially my favorite place on campus. I sang to Jesus for an hour. It was so refreshing! I loved it. Definitely going to make it apart of my routine.

Then I headed back just in time for worship practice. Tyler offered to let me lead a song!!!! Um, YES. I never ever offer for that type of thing. So it makes me super happy when I get the opportunity! I got to lead “Heart of Worship,” one of my favorites. But only vocally, not on guitar. Wooot!

Then I stumbled into a great convo with Shelli and Destiny.

After all this, it was magically midnight, and officially Valentine’s Day. Hooray.

This weekend has been my favorite so far, what with the Drakensberg mountains, talking drums, and dress-up dance. I look forward to many more great memories!

Zebra Hunting and Peed-in Pants.

I shall now make up for February 11, 2011.

DISCLAIMER: I would like to publicly apologize for slacking in my blog-toral duties. I don’t know what’s come over me… I shall do my UTMOST to be sure it doesn’t happen again!!!

HIGHLIGHTS OF MY YESTERDAY:

-RUNNING. Deb, Miranda, Morgan, Kelly, and I went traipsing through the forest at 5:30! I was absolutely KICKING myself for not bringing a camera! The sun was SPECTACULAR. AHHHH. It must be known. I want to be a photographer when I grow up J (right after being a rock star, obviously ;)

-CHAPEL. Not only did I get to sing with a GREAT team (Deb, Colton, and Riley), but they let me play guitar for “In Christ Alone.” It was SO FUN!!! It started off a bit rough, because we were trying a new rhythm and the “congregation” of you will… or “smelly Americans?” (Just kidding.) But once we whipped ‘em into shape, I’d say it was successful! It was truly a victory for me to play in front of people. I think God is really teaching me how to worship and lead worship. It is a beautiful thing. More as that develops. But it felt SO GREAT to play guitar… I can’t even describe. AH.

-SKYPING WITH FRANCESCA. Danielle and Kelsi came in at the end, but it was mostly the Fran-in-a-tor. (Haha you prob don’t like that! I’ll work on it!) Dearest, I am SO PROUD OF YOU!!! You are listening to God and learning… He is using you already, I SWEAR. I don’t think you understand how much of a wonderful influence you’ve been on me! I love you so much, dude. It must be said.

-WORSHIP NIGHT. I loved having a chill time with God. It was so great to be able to cry. For no reason. A lot’s been going on. And it was beautiful to be able to let it out, just me, God, and the music. Had an AMAZING talk with Jenny! Girl! You are SO AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL!!! Thanks for everything J

Feb 12

Saturday = FIELD TRIP DAY!!!

But before all of the wonderful field-ish festivities began,

Deb, Kayla, Allison and I decided to go Zebra hunting.

It was 6:20 in the morning, so our chances of finding these great beasts were slim. Would they still be there? Or would they have dispersed deep into the jungle by then?!

Disappointment struck when, at first, the zebras weren’t in their usual “hang out.”

Would this be a fruitless excursion?! Plus, the fog had rolled in. Not in a cool way. More like a “HEY you jipped me of the sun” way.

HOOOOORAYYYYYYY!!!! <- the sound my heart made when we found them! Our hunt had been successful! I aimed my weapon at the striped masterpieces and shot. A HIT! I KNOW you think I’m crazy, but I HAD to have proof that I’d seen one. Come one. WHEN am I getting this chance again?!

Yep. I shot it. With my camera.

J

Then we were off to the Drakensberg Mountains! The bus ride was upwards of 2 ½ hours. I enjoyed it very much J I owe much of this to the beautiful Kara. AH! I love this girl so much! It’s so funny… she is one of the oldest people here (she’s a nursing student… this is their senior-ish semester) and I am definitely the youngest. Of COURSE I would naturally get along with the people FARTHEST from my age. J Kara said I was one of the coolest people she ever met J Make my LIFE, why dontcha?!

Ok, so on this bus ride, I was staring out the window. And it looked like Wyoming. In the BEST way possible! It made my heart YEARN for my summer state! I was reflecting on this AMAZING adventure. I could stay here forever. I realized I could stay here forever if I only had one thing: my family. (Dear friends, you count as family.)

When we arrived, I was SHOCKED by the beauty to BEHOLD!!!!!! My eyes QUITE possibly viewed the most BEAUTIFUL sight of my oh-so-long-life. Pictures are going up on facebook soon!!!

This hike was literally DAZZLING. As if it NEEDED any improvement, the sky decided to send some love in the form of rain. The BEST way to keep cool. SO GREAT.

Our final destination, however, was DEFINITELY overshadowed by the hike. The main goal of this expedition was to see “the Bushmen Caves." Apparently, one of the earliest forms of man painted on some rocks. Our tour guide had a CRAZY heavy accent, and I only understood about 10% of what she said. I could have made that up, just so you know. J

Luckily, there was only MINIMAL complaining, even when the going got tough. I ran away from it as quickly as possible. Survival mode J.

Best quote of the day, compliments of Kara: “The best friends are like peeing your pants. Everyone can see, but only you can feel the warmth.” Niiiiiice.

Then I guilted Janet, our awesome Coordinator into hooking us up with McFlurries! I was devastated to discover that South African McDonalds only carry oreo and some strawberry contraption, not my Reese’s! Sniff, sniff!

My night ended with watching Harry Potter 4 with the girls. SO FUN!!! ‘Twas excellent snuggle time! Haha. J

PS: today I felt super lead to go to Europe!!! Spring 2011, Rome, anyone? :) We'll see! 

Ahh J Just two days in the life of… well… me. Whew.

I just want to say again how I appreciate you reading this. Please keep me in your prayers and let me know how I can pray for you. (I’m SERIOUS.)

Grace and Mercy. And peed-in pants. 

The Rock Rabbit Does Not Have a Tail Because of Procrastination.

Feb 10

AHHH yesterday morning, I woke up to the lovely high-pitched, never-ceasing beep of my alarm. How I’ve LONGED to hear it BEEEEEEP at 5:25 in the morning! All my dreams are coming TRUE!!! J

Morgan and I went a-runnin’ again, and to our good fortune, WHAT did we happen to see, just along our sunlit path? Why, zebras, of course! They are great. Officially my favorite animal. I cannot deny it ANY longer.

And I hate to admit this… but I think I maybe-might have had  bit of a bad attitude going on during intercom… our professor (Clive. Remember him? The “pants” man?) has assigned this super intense solo project that is supposed to be CRAZY creative where we study a culture, provide interviews, an artifact of the culture, videos, posters with collages, games, multimedia, interactive shenanigans, the WHOLE works. Oh yeah, and it’s a TWENTY MINUTE PRESENTATION. I don’t know if I’ve ever willingly talked for twenty straight minutes. The reason I was cranky was because being here is kind of like being stuck on an island. I don’t have a car, so I can’t DRIVE anywhere to pick up ART supplies, there is no poster board laying around, no glue, I DON’T EVEN HAVE A PRINTER, we’re NOT ALLOWED TO WATCH VIDEOS because the internet here literally runs out of you go on youtube, I don’t know ANY MUSLIMS (the group I’m doing my presentations), I DON’T HAVE A PHONE, so I can’t call anyone to TRY to find some Muslims randomly. Maybe I was overreacting… AHEM. 

So… I may or may not have voiced my concerns… in retrospect, I think I may have been rude… I don’t normally voice any concerns… so I have no idea if I really was rude or not… MENTAL NOTE: apologize just in case.

Then we went to the mall for a field trip. Each group has a different culture. The goal was to find someone of that culture and talk to them.

Hmmm. If I had to choose ONE word to describe this… wait, lemme think for a mintute… Oh, yeah.

AWKWARD!!!!!

Literally, you had to go up to strangers and be all, HI. Are you Muslim. AHHH.

Luckily, I am grouped with the lovely Jenny and Allie. At least I wasn’t by myself.

Thing was, we went early in the morning. There was like NO ONE at the mall!!! ESPECIALLY no Muslims!!! Inside, I was screaming,, WHYYYYY!?!?!?!?!?!?!

But then!

A mother and daughter Muslim team!

I think I was really excited because I went up to them as they were leaving a store and was all, HI!”

Yeah, they totally freaked out and ran away from me.

I know. I’m scary….?

But, as they were the only 2 Muslims, we followed them. Naturally.

I tried a more “chill” approach next time: “Hey, how’s it going? I’m an American exchange student and I have to study different cultures. Do you mind if we ask you some questions?”

Now, they were all smiles. “OH, yes! We knew you were from somewhere else! We were staring at you, wondering where you were from since you don’t fit it! Hahahahah!”

Um. Thaaaaanks.

Anyway, they were super helpful and nice.

After that, we figured we were pretty much set. So we were standing outside of my favorite South African store (think H&M. Cheap. Cute. But I rarely buy anything.) trying to decided whether or not to go in. I felt bad! This was an educational field trip! What if Clive saw us! I was already mean to him!

As we were contemplating the ethical pros and cons of entering said establishment, I kid you not, this Muslim 20-ish year old comes over and starts hitting on us “three beautiful girls.” He wanted to hang out with us and visit. And he wanted our numbers. I’m flattered to have such good looking friends J. In the middle of his “flirt-fest,” I cut the creep off and all, “ARE YOU MUSLIM?” Yep, he was. JACKPOT! We asked him questions too. And then ran away. It was pretty entertaining!

On the bus ride home, Clive told us our project-impossible would now be a TEAM effort, and due A WEEK LATER!!! YAAAAAAY!!!!!! So… moral of the story… voice your concerns… but in a nicer way next time??

Zulu was fun. We heard a Zulu fairytale about how the animals got their tails. A zulu saying: “The Rockrabbit does not have a tail due to procrastination.” Interesting, right?!

I had a great chill time with Morgan. Love you!

Deb-ster is on the Friday worship team, and I’m on the Monday, but she asked me to join her this week, so I happily attended Thursday worship practice. And GUESS WHAT?! They are letting me play guitar on “In Christ Alone!” That song truly has deep meaning for me now, as it was the last song that man on Sunday ever sang.

PRAY FOR ME!!!

Super excited to play J During practice, it felt right… I don’t know… I feel like God’s been calling me to play guitar…. So I am happy J

Riley, Colton and Deb were super helpful and supportive! I am forever grateful!!!

Off to breakfast and chapel! Wish me luck!

DING: the Beginning of a VERY Big Adventure.

February 9, 2011

WOAH! I thought I had energy before, but NOW I AM KICKIN’!!!

It’s AMAZING what a 5:30 AM run in the Nature Reserve in Africa can do for you. I’m living proof.

And oh yeah.

I saw zebras.

No big.

FOUR ZEB-RUHS!!!!! ABOUT 5 FEET AWAY, JUST CHILLIN’!! They are so beautiful.

PS: they’re definitely white with black stripes.

As I was huffin’ and puffin’ on this run (those hills are KILLER) I was always inspired by the flawless, natural, seemingly holy, beauty. As the sun rose, it smiled down in sweet rays of shine, breaking through the thick African vegetation.

“I see your face in every sunrise

The colors of the morning

Are inside your eyes.”

I went on this run with workout champions Kayla, Kara, Kelly, and Morgan. They were so NICE! They didn’t even make me feel embarrassed when I had to walk J Thanks, guys!

Hey, I felt like some of my friends today!

I felt like Dema because I woke up at 5:30.

I felt like Desi because I went running.

I felt like Mae because I wore overalls (shorts) and Tom’s. J

Most of my day was spent studying for my Zulu test today. (I got 98%!!!! WOOOO!!!!, just in case you were wondering. J)

But the most important thing of today was a massive revelation that was possibly life-changing. Although the light bulb “DING”ed on this fine day, yesterday was the beginning of the construction of the light bulb itself.

It all began when I got on the wrong bus yesterday. Remember this lovely blonde moment? It was when I sat down next to Lindsay and we had our super-powerful-awesome powwow?

Yesterday during this powwow, Lindsay showed me a sketch of a picture the Lord had put on her heart. I wish I could show you! In the picture, a girl was on her knees reaching for God. She loved Him, but she still wanted to hold onto her sins. Yet, Jesus’ love was too powerful for her. His light was literally shining through her. In one ray of light lay all of the things in the girls heart: the heart itself, broken, bruised, and bandaged, a broken mirror (distorted self-image that the girl is choosing to see), handcuffs (sin that she won’t let go of) and drama masks (obviously masking her true self.)

This picture hit my heart. For some reason, I was drawn to it. I kept thinking, “this is me.” Then I saw the theatre masks. I mean, COME ON. It made me cry.

Lindsay went on to explain a CS Lewis story (which I haven’t read, goshdarnit!). The story features a man with a spiteful, malicious lizard that unceasingly speaks negative things into the man’s ear. The man always cries, “STOP!” Yet when an angel comes and offers to get rid of the lizard for the man, the man readily agrees- with the plea of “But don’t hurt it.”

The lizard represents sin. SO often, we want to be free of our sins. But when the opportunity arises, we don’t actually want to let them go.

Step outside of this for a moment. Whenever I have a spiritually deep conversation (at APU, and in South Africa, etc) with someone, I often admit to my struggle with fear, resulting in a lack of confidence. Almost EVERY time, including back in California, the person I am talking with says something to the effect of, “WHAT?! This can’t possibly BE! I had no idea! This shocks me! Darling, you MUST be joking!” This all came to my mind today. I feel like my “fear” lives as a lizard on my shoulder. The lizard has been banished. It no longer belongs.

But I’ve been keeping it there.

As crazy as it sounds, I realized today that I am actually afraid of who I’d be without fear. I’m afraid that without fear, I’d have nothing to cling to. Nothing to blame for not listening to the Lord. I’d just be me. And I might actually get to find out who I am because I wouldn’t be hiding behind fear. I’m afraid that I might actually be a dazzlingly confident warrior for the Lord. And I’m afraid that I might not.

But I’m more afraid of greatness than of being ordinary. And that’s crazy too.

But I’ll never know until I try.

So today, I officially banish that stupid lizard from my shoulder. It has outstayed its welcome.

I’m not sure how to go about this. But I think I hear my Father whispering something to the effect of, “you’re onto something.” I suddenly feel liberated. Whole. My heart is swelling. I believe I just might have to sing.

God help me. This is the beginning of a VERY big adventure.

And just like bungy-ing (which I just signed up for!) I am going to jump. 

Princess of Gifts.

Feb 8

I cannot BELIEVE it is already FEBRUARY 8^TH!!!

Deb freaked me out yesterday.

She told me…

… That we are a THIRD of the way THROUGH the SEMESTER!!!!!!!!!! That is SO CRAZY!!! I don’t even know what to do with myself! AH!

And next week, I’m having a Zulu midterm. WHAT!? I JUST STARTED CLASS!!!!

Life. It’s beautiful. It ZOOMS BY. Don’t miss out. J

Tuesdays are my FAVORITE because we visit service sites! Today’s site was christened with the oh-so-lame-American-ish title of “Project Gateway.” I hereby rename it “Project Prison.”

Ohhh, you think I’m joking. It literally used to be a prison. We were given a tour, and our tour guide, who seemed to favor ill-fitting pants, declared, “dees is de trap doh weh they hung peoples.” (<- my South African accent, not meant to be offensive!) Niiiice. Glad I know that. And those red stains in the carpet? Are they new?! Something I did NOT ask.

The organization itself seemed LEGIT. It had many programs that helped others, including a homeless shelter, clinic, school, and countless programs that taught people how to make a living for themselves. It even has a fashion school! One of their students was recently given a scholarship to study at a fashion institute in Europe! So cool.

Unfortunately, we wouldn’t be doing any of that cool stuff. Mostly filling out paperwork. Recommended for business majors. EHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. (<- obnoxious BEEEEP!) Ex-nay for me. Totally love the program. But not paperwork.

I accidentally got on the wrong bus on the way home and sat by Lindsay. We ended up having this INTENSE talk and prayer time complete with bawling for like an HOUR when we got back about Spiritual gifts, South Africa, and everything in between. So BLESSED. I am SO excited to start D-groups with Lindsay! Ok, God obviously uses even has my ACCIDENTAL BUS HOPPING for good. One talented guy ;) Highlight of my day:

We received Zulu names today in class!!!! I was so excited I almost fell off my chair. Good one.

You may now call me “NoSipho.” I know what you’re thinking: Ewww. Cough, cough. I thought that too. Until I learned what it meant.

You better start callin’ me “your majesty,” because translated, “NoSipho” is

PRINCESS WITH GIFTS.

Yaay! Isn’t that super sweet?! Apparently, I am gifted J I feel so special.

A sad realization of my day is that there is some immaturity here. Seriously, age is just a number. I feel so old. Any other oldies out there? Are you lonely? How did I end up being an old lady at 17? I just don’t understand.

Prayers appreciated.

Today when I needed a break from studying, I went out to the waterfall and sang and prayed. I will miss being able to do that when I return.

I don’t want to take it for granted. I don’t want to come back unchanged. I don’t want to miss out.

Sigh.