Home: Homesick for a Place I’ve Never Been

April 19, 2010

Wisdom from the one and only Francesca Fromang: “Listen up to what God has to say. He tends to be the loudest when we’re the loneliest.”

Today we visited a township called Langa. It was named for the chief, Langa Libalele. Although it is mostly a Xhosa township, “Langa Libalele” means the same in Xhosa as it does in Zulu. Translated, it the township’s name means “the sun, it is hot.” I was so excited to know the true name of the township! All my hardcore Zulu studying this semester definitely paid off.

I was super surprised at the level of development in Langa. It seems to have evolved into a tourist attraction. Our tour guide commented that the residents like it when tourists come. I assume that is because tourists generate revenue and excitement in the township.

I was also shocked at the contrast between the homes. In one section of Langa, there were exceedingly nice homes. They looked like they could have belonged in a rich suburban area in Los Angeles. But then, across the street, there would be crumbling shack composed of assorted trash. The polarity between the disparity verses the wealth was alarming!!!

My favorite aspects of Langa were it’s art programs! They have a dance studio, a stage for theatre, music programs, a picture framing school, a fashion store, a recording studio and a radio station! The township’s goal in these programs is to educate youth and grant skills to adults so that they may have a better life, as well as attempt to provide AIDS prevention. At the radio station, they talk about difficult issues such as the effects of HIV and AIDS. These programs allow the kids to express themselves in creative ways, as well as allow them to dream for their futures.

I am so passionate about arts programs! I believe they have the most significant impact upon youth. If I was given the choice of something to do to benefit a township, I would have dreamed of beginning a program exactly like this. I hope that it can continue and flourish!

(^Sorry if that was dry. I had to write about the field trip for class. Instead of writing about it twice, I have pasted my assignment above. I promise to make up for the lack of excitement NOW.)

I got to play the drums today! I FOUND MY CALLING!!!!! WHOOO HOOOOOO!

My absolute favorite part about walking around Langa today: I was sauntering with Kelly. And all of a sudden, this beautiful little girl runs up to us, and slips her tiny hands in ours, and continues with us on our journey!!! It was the most precious thing of my entire life!! And in that moment, I felt perfect love. I loved her. I had only known her for 30 seconds, but already, she had stolen my heart, because she loved me. To think. I traveled all the way around the world to search for more about God’s love, and I found it in a four year old child.

Amen.

So today, I really wanted to talk to my mom. It’s been weeks. And what with my traumatic surgery (HAHA) and lack of internet, I just needed to talk to her. She didn’t even KNOW I’d been sliced, so she couldn’t pray for me! I was quite dismayed!!!

Morgan and I strove to find positive internet! We went to an internet café and ordered random coffees (mine was surprisingly good) just to attempt to secure skype time! But a-stinking-las. The internet at the café was shotty too. And I had to way to tell ma mama to get online! It was kind of torturous.

And I was crying out to God.

“DADDY! WHY will you not let me talk to my mom?! It’s been forever! And I need her!!!”

(Don’t read this next part, Mom.)

And God was like, “Ren. I am all you need. You are whole in me.”

I processed this.

“Yeah. God, you are so RIGHT!” Because, let’s face it. Mom can’t be with me now, thanks to stinky internet and, oh yeah, THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of miles and oceans and all that jazz.

But God CAN be with me.

And He IS.

When this epiphany sunk in, and I relinquished any intention of skyping the madre, GUESS WHAT.

Ding! SKYPE WAS WORKING!

HALLE-FREAKING-LUJAH!!!!

Ok. Now you’re just showing off, God ;).

So I got to skype Mom.

PS: MY BABY BROTHER, MY FAVORITE HUMAN BEING ON THIS EARTH, WAS IN A CAR ACCIDENT!!!

He is fine. But I just about had a heart attack!!!

Tommy: I’m sorry. But I forbid you to drive until all bloodthirsty soccer moms have rid the road of their killer mini vans. I don’t care if it wasn’t your fault and you were going 22 mph. You’re not allowed to drive anymore. Capische?!

Tommy. I am going to cry. I miss you SO MUCH. Come to Africa, PLEASE. You would LOVE it. In fact, you WILL come some time in your life. I am positive. And I’ll be darned if I don’t come along. Just saying.

Just when the internet worked well enough to carry on a conversation, we had to leave OF COURSE. But it was ok. I caught Mom up and let her know there was air in my lungs. Therefore, all is right in the world.

So, because Debs is legitimately AMAZING, of course we had a life changing conversation on the way home. Duh.

We were talking about being homesick. (A common topic these days.) Debs commented, “I’m already homesick for Pietermaritzburg. And when I get home, I know I’ll be homesick for Cape Town. So I know that I’ll always be homesick for somewhere else. Because even now, I’m homesick for a place I’ve never been.”

She had puzzled me on that last one. “What do you mean?”

“I’m homesick to be with God in Heaven.”

Oh, DANG. This goofy, GINORMOUS smile crept on my face and WOULD NOT GO AWAY!!! It was great. Debs couldn’t stop laughing and my goofy smile and I couldn’t stop smiling goofily. We were obviously meant to be roomies J.

When I finally gained control of my face, Debs asked, “Have you been reflecting on your time recently?”

“Absolutely! I feel like I almost reflect too much. At the beginning of the semester, I felt like I learned lessons EVERY DAY. Which was awesome. But right now, I feel like I’m on the brink of this HUGE lesson that’s taken a while to be taught to me. But I can’t quite decide what it is.”

After dinner, I totally decided what that lesson was.

Here it is:

God is teaching me to place EVERYTHING in Him. Seriously, EVERYTHING: my confidence, my worth, love, belonging, trust, hope, dreams, desires, fun, attitude, and HOME.

I realized today that if I was somehow able to make God my home, that would pretty much fix ALL my life’s problems.

Where do you feel most comfortable? Where are you always loved? Where do you always feel safe? Where do you want to go when you hurt? Where do you store your treasures? Where are the ones that will always love you, through thick and thin, pain and joy?

Home.

God is our home. I don’t have to try to BE anyone else when I am with Him! I am enough for Him, JUST as I am! But I’m not JUST me. Because, really? It’s FOUR for the price of one:

Me, God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.

They live in me.

So, I’m never alone. And I can’t place worth in JUST myself, because that would be like ignoring ¾ of me!

Basically, I’m never alone, I don’t have to fight for acceptance, I never have to feel like I’m not at home, or feel afraid because God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are with me.

I’ve found my home.

And just like Dorothy and Toto, I had to leave my house and go to another world to find what I’ve been looking for, even though it’s been there the entire time.

Ladies and Gentlemen:

I have found my home.

I am home. No matter where I am or who I’m with, or what my situation is, I am at home.

Home.

It’s such a great word, isn’t it?

Home.